I remember getting hurt at school, or at the playground, or even just playing outside. I would get up and look at the booboo and then go find Mother. I was fine, no tears or anything until I found her. Even if I had to walk the 6 blocks from school. My focus was on telling Mother. When I finally found her then the flood gates opened. I cried as I tried to tell her what had happened or what was wrong. She fixed the booboo all better then I was off again.

What I did not realize was the flip side to that. Did she worry about when I climbed the big jungle gym? Or when I learned to ride my bike? Did she lose sleep when I was away from home? Did she worry about all the hurt I would have to endure as I grew up?

I do not know and my mother is not around for me to ask. But I can tell you that I did all those things. I cringed inside as I watched the children try something new and tough, though I smiled confidently at them. I cried when they were hurt, though infront of them I tried not to cry. I tried to show them a brave face that had faith that things would turn out okay.

My Mother-in-law one time told me that you never stop being a MOM. I watched her heart break as she held her tongue when one of her children were going through a very rough time. She was there with love and support but she did not offer advice. I am not that strong. I can only hold my peace for so long and then I give the "this is what I would do" speech.

Some of my children hear that speech more than others. And some of them take it with a grain of salt, with a take it or leave it attitude. And that is fine. They are all adults and they need to live their lives. But I guess I want them to know that even if they don't take my advice I want to be helpful. They need to let me know what I can do for them. If it is possible I will do it. If I am unable to help, I might be able to guide them to who might help. The key if for them to let me know when they are needing help or going through something difficult.

I pray for them by name daily. Each and every one. I know that I cannot see what they are going through, but I know who can and does. I trust in Him for guidance. And I trust that the children will let me be a sounding board for them. I don't have to know every detail of their lives. I just want to be there when they need me.

So that being said.....What can I do to help?

Parts is parts

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. And the Eyes are the windows of the soul. A woman's hair is her crown of glory. Cold hands/ warm heart. Pretty is as Pretty does.
You have heard some one sing with the voice of an angel. A person can be as quick as a wink and Kind-hearted. A person can have a smile that can light up a room.

Then there is the animal influence: being dog-tired, sly as a fox, quiet as a mouse, messy as a pig, stubborn as a mule, slow as a snail or a tortoise.

And the mineral world: Dumb as a box of rocks or dumber than a doornail.

Or references to items: Neat as a Pin. Slick as a whistle. Has a spare tire or a beer belly. And don't forget Lead Bottom. Couch potato. Abs like a 6 pack. (why is beer belly so different from abs of a six pack?)

Anyway, all these things make me realize that beauty is very subjective. You have heard it said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have just recently heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholdee. We are each a beautiful creation and should think of ourselves as such.

So to all the 10's out there.... Kudos to us! Yeah, that's right. To you, and you, and you there in the corner. To all of us. Now put that smile on and have a great day.

Throw her out the window

When my youngest was a little girl she and her brother were playing upstairs on the window box. She was getting a "ride" on the window seat while he was making it go up and down. Well as he lifted the lid really high she went by the screen and popped the screen out. She fell out the 2nd floor window. All the kids came running down the stairs yelling that she fell out the window. The neighbor lady came running from across the street yelling that she saw my daughter fall out the window. I thought she had probably fallen out the front window on the porch roof and went out to look but the neighbor lady went around to the side of the house. There was my little one lying very still on the ground. I waited until I saw her move then I scooped her up in my arms and took her into the house. I called my brother from his room (he was briefly staying with us) and took her to the hospital. I held onto her hand and when she started to close her eyes I would shake her hand and call her name and I did not let her fall asleep. I got to the hospital and they did some tests and then sent her by ambulance to another hospital that had a neuro surgeon. She was in Pediatric Intensive Care and they ran tests all night. I prayed for two things: That the doctors would be guided to find out what was wrong with her and treat it, and if there was nothing wrong with her that the doctors would know that and send her home soon.

The next morning they sent her home and all was well. Nothing more than a scratch. It could have been so different because there was a cement window well just a few inches one way and some cut off bush ends sticking out of the ground the other way. She had asked Grandma about the lady that she saw and Grandma told her it was her Guardian Angel that had caught her on the way down. I had no other explanation on why she did not have damage and injury.

Now, this is not the end of the story. My little one is all grown up and she has little ones of her own. It wasn't that long ago that her little girl fell out of a 2nd story window. She was sent from one hospital to another and had a lot of tests as well. My granddaughter ended up just fine. Talk about De Javu' all over again. My daughter can take comfort in knowing that she had a Guardian Angel to help her and one to help her daughter. We go through life thinking we are doing things all on our own. We aren't. There are tangible angels and intangible angels helping us. As I think about my life and all the things that have happened to me, my husband, and my children there is an undenyable fact that Heavenly Father loves us and sends help through our trials of faith.

my funeral

"Musings" blog prompted me to wite the following:

After my mother-in-law's funeral I decided to write down how I wanted my funeral. I made several notes on the plane ride home and then once home I organized it and wrote it all out. Songs I wanted sung, who I wanted to do what, ... actually I wrote it all out from beginning to end. It gave me a lot of satisfaction. Then I e-mailed it to the children. One family member called to ask me if I was all right. My youngest called just sobbing. She said that as she read the funeral service she realized that I wasn't dead yet and called to talk to me. We laughed at that. In her mind as she read it, it seemed so real.

Another daughter reminded me that after I am dead the children will have their chance to get their last "dig" in. I am thinking there will be laughter at my funeral.

Morbid? I don't know. It can be very calming to realize that there is order to things. I have thought about these kinds of things for a long time. I am healthy and strong. (Even though I say I am old and decrepid.) No hurry to go on my part. I will be around a while.

Plan B

When I was growing up the options were not there for me like they were for my children.
Or maybe they were there for others, but not for me. My goal in life was to get married like my sisters did and raise a family.

As a young person I tried my hand at beauty college, but did not finish because I was needed to help out my sister who had major surgery. While visiting her in the hospital I met a nursing assistant who was bed-bathing her. We talked and I thought that this would be a great job, one in which you really felt like you were helping.

So after my sister recovered I checked out the local hospital. They had a CNA class starting and my sister spotted me the cash for new white shoes. The hospital provided the uniforms.

I completed the course and began working for the same hospital in which I was born. I started out on the adult surgical unit for the probationary time, then transferred to the Pediatric Unit.
Nice.....I saw a lot of things, some sad, some happy.

This is where I met my husband. Things progressed and I was married a month before I turned 20. I know....way too young. But remember, that was the plan since I was little. We started a family right away and we had 7 children in 8 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah we know what caused it.

By the age of 28 I had 7 children. Sounds like a lot but I had sisters who also had large families so it didn't feel like a lot. (2 with 7 children each and one with 10 children)

Plan A went well. We never had a lot of money to do much with and we often had very simple meals. The children did not have the best or the newest, but they had some things. My goal was to give them opportunities we did not have. Music, sports, college-bound if they chose.

Then Plan B: As the children grew I felt I wanted to do more in the nursing field. I went to college and tried my hand at schooling. I could only go part-time and lost a lot of sleep to studies. I tried to be there as much as I could for the children but they often had no guidance for home work. They managed through school and on with their own lives. Some college, some missions, some work, some children.

Whenever there is a choice there is a sacrifice. My having so many children in such a short time led to the sacrifice of not having much one-on-one time with any of them and not having much money, ergo things. The sacrifice of me going to school was that I did not have a lot of time with them because I was working and going to school. So you see, it was not just me sacrificing but the entire family made the sacrifice.

Now plan B is working out just fine because I am at the time of my life that it is paying off. But all those sacrifices are things I cannot go back and change. You cannot get back time. You cannot raise a grown child.

Plan A & Plan B? It would have been nice if I did plan B first and had the wonderful life it held in promise, but I chose plan A first and had the wonderful life I had. I met the right man and we had the wonderful children we had, and now have wonderful grandchildren. The choice was the right one for me, sacrifices and all.

My advice to young people is to make a plan, work it, and change what needs to be changed. It is called LIFE. Don't miss it. There is no perfect life. Follow your heart, your dream, and your promptings. The only thing constant is Change. Roll with them. 'Nuff said.

To blog or not to blog...

It really baffles me the things people blog about. I guess it shouldn't. I remember calling my friends to talk for hours regarding the happenings of the day. I even called my mother to discuss the soap operas we had been following. (back in the day when I watched soap operas). We would talk about these people as if they were members of our family.

The shame of it is that we should have been talking about real people, our real family members. And I suppose this is the modern day version of writing letters. But it all seems so unpersonal. Atleast when I called my friends or family, or wrote them letters, it was directed at them in particular. Now when I blog I just put thoughts out there and I am unsure of who is doing the reading.

I find that if I think of a particular person and write my thoughts to them the writing comes much easier. Or I think of giving a talk in church and tend to make it more general. I find it fun to read blogs but do not always give comments or acknowledgements.

So my question to Blog or Not to Blog? I will have to say Blog away. That way people will hear from you and they may blog a response or it may spur them on to do another blog. Communication in any way, shape, or form... It is all good.