My grandchildren were at my house and I really let myself BLOW MY TOP.
Have you ever heard the sayings "I will beat you up one side and down the other" or "I will rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stump" or " I will skin you alive" , etc.
Some I heard while growing up. others I have said. Not pretty, eh? Anger is NEVER pretty.
Well, sorry to say I got pretty ugly. Anger spewed from me like Mt St Helen or Persuvius.
Andrew got the brunt of it. He survived, and luckily does not bear a grudge. Caelin also saw the Wrath of Gram and bore it well.
I am ashamed of my anger and know that it is probably the biggest fault I have. I have other faults but my quick temper and hateful words are the worst. I feel sick inside and would just shudder if the Lord came and watched my behavior or heard my words. Now isn't that silly, He does hear and see all, so who am I trying to kid.
They say that acknowledgement is the first step. Not only acknowledgement but confession. So now I have opened this up to the world and will try to mend my erring ways. It may take a while. How about if I just hole up somewhere and wait for the grandchildren to grow up... Guess I better practice counting to Ten and visualize myself being calm. Keep your fingers crossed.
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2 comments:
Sometimes it is hard to hold your anger in, I too have an ugly streak, but than I think we all do. We just have to trust that the lord forgives us our sins. I know with having two teenagers at home they push me to the limit. You tell them not to do something or to do something and they push you to that point where you just explode! So know that you are not alone in this and that the good lord forgives you!
if i tell you i've never heard of persuvius will you get mad at me? andrew really doesn't like getting yelled at. sometimes when i do he starts to cry and tells me not to scream at him.
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